Relationships That Work - I

To love people or to cherish humanity in the abstract is relatively easy. To feel compassion toward real individuals, to love a single human being is considerably more difficult. Most of us have heard stories of individuals who support worthy social causes, perhaps funding philanthropic organizations or even social activist groups, but whose private lives are characterized by insensitivity, even cruelty to those close to them. By contrast, compassion for humanity in Buddhist teachings is not mere idealism – it is something we strive for every day.

We have said that the Buddha nature dwells within each individual and that one’s happiness is based on building a solid inner self. Though Buddhism is a powerful tool for building inner strength, it is not a solitary activity. Rather, the Buddhist teaching shows that compassionate interaction with others is the most satisfying way to live in society and is in fact a virtual prerequisite for enlightenment.

A person of wisdom tries to invigorate and bring out the best in others. The humanism of the Lotus Sutra the core teaching for this modern age comes down to treasuring the individual. A person in the state of Buddha - hood respects others’ individuality, and desires that they manifest their unique qualities as well. The Buddhist objective of universal enlightenment thus begins with treasuring the self, then the individuals around us, finally extending outward to encompass all people.

How to cultivate this attitude and develop fulfilling relationships is the subject of this chapter.

One thing is certain, everyone has relationships. Even those living in a monastic life interact with other monks. Relationships of various kinds are an inevitable part of human life, all the more so for people living amid the daily realities of family, partnerships and work. But beyond this, the desire for companionship is very deeply rooted. In their pursuit of personal happiness, human beings are driven in the pursuit of lasting and fulfilling relationships, especially intimate ones.

Having satisfying, enduring relationships contributes greatly to our happiness. All too often, unfortunately relationships – whether with family, friends or coworkers - can be a source of suffering and pain more than of joy and fulfillment. Or relationships that were once fulfilling don’t last. Given that so many sincere and well intentioned people exert so much effort and energy in seeking and nurturing relationships, why is it that so many of them fail?

They fail because we lack the wisdom to make them work. Frequently, we enter into them for reasons not conducive to their survival.

To be continued..
Source: The Buddha In Your Mirror (Pg. 125-127)